Read our posts about therapists

Should You Have Therapy?

Should You Have Therapy?

When therapists are asked to list their areas of expertise for inclusion in Find a Therapist services, they sometimes find they have checked over 20 boxes listing every imaginable problem from sex to suicide, anxiety to anorexia. But none of that really helps the client decide the first question: should I seek therapy? So – how do you know if it's for you? The first thing to consider is whether you have spotted an emotional pattern of long duration. You don’t need to wait for a therapist to tell that something is repeating itself. Are you thinking ‘here I go again’?...
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Broken Heart: How To Cope With Bereavement

Broken Heart: How To Cope With Bereavement

We all know that loss is an inevitable consequence of making an attachment. No one gets out of here alive, as it were. Yet the severing of this attachment is literally heart breaking. A recent study by St Georges, University of London found that a person’s risk of heart attack or stroke is highest in the month after bereavement and this declines slowly over the following year. This is because grief can lead to a range of adverse physiological responses, such as changes in blood clotting, blood pressure, stress hormone levels and heart rate control – all of which are...
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Talking to a Sex Therapist

Talking to a Sex Therapist

I talk about sex a lot; as a sex therapist it is my job to ask questions.  I ask my male and female clients and couples to tell me very intimate details about their lives.  I ask about their childhoods, their parents, their siblings, their relationships and, of course, I ask them about sex. But I do need to constantly keep myself in check and always try to put myself in “my client’s shoes”, wondering what it must be like to be asked the most intimate questions and share sexual thoughts, feelings and practices with a stranger (well, almost a stranger). It has been said...
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Compassion: Why Being Gentle to Yourself is the Foundation of happiness

Compassion: Why Being Gentle to Yourself is the Foundation of happiness

It took me a very long time to work out the difference between being kind to myself and actually being kind to myself. I used to think a long hot bath, a yoga class or a new pair of shoes would suffice to ease a low patch or quieten my noisy inner critic. These gestures may have helped a bit, but they remained just that – actions representing a kindness rather than actions that also felt kind to myself when I did them. I could practise yoga for an hour and still feel bad. I might even feel rubbish at yoga and leave a class feeling even worse. Learning to be truly kind,...
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Getting to Know Your Genitals

Getting to Know Your Genitals

As a psychosexual therapist I often deliver sexuality and sexual education workshops to the wider public, and I have delivered many training days to male, female and mixed gender groups.  The groups consist of people of all ages - ranging from as young as 16, to over 70 years old – which gives me insight into a wide array of thoughts and viewpoints. One of the topics which surfaces frequently, is the different relationship men and women have with their genitals.  Of course, there is a big difference between the sexes ... in males, genitals are external and boys from...
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Enduring Heartache

Enduring Heartache

"If you are the one who is dumped, then you feel like your life is over"  Sitting in our session, I listened to my young client whose partner had recently left her. She was sobbing and could barely speak.  ‘I feel like a useless piece of rubbish.  He’s having a new life and I’m left behind.  It would be easier if he was dead!’. Her words hung in the air and later I found myself thinking about them.  I understood what she was trying to convey.  If her partner had died, she would be in deep grief but she wouldn’t have experienced his death as a personal rejection....
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Coping with Painful Anniversaries

Coping with Painful Anniversaries

Anniversaries are generally considered to be celebrations, marking events, people, places and times that we have loved and enjoyed. They bring us into contact with memories we wish to retain and relive such as birthdays, graduations and weddings to name but a few. Anniversaries have a place the world over, in culture, religion, history and society. But what happens when anniversaries become difficult? In my work as a psychotherapist I have come to believe that the reason some anniversaries are difficult is two-fold. Firstly these anniversaries act as a type of...
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How to Choose a Therapist

How to Choose a Therapist

I have to admit that simply following your intuition and inclination is not such a bad way to go. This is particularly true if you know a fair bit about therapy, such as the various different approaches. It is even more of an option if you have a clear sense of what you want to achieve in therapy. But what if you want to approach this question more systematically? Let’s work through a few variables that, from my experience, people contemplating therapy are concerned about. Age I have never heard of anyone saying ‘I really want a very young therapist’. This is...
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How Couples Counselling Deals With Affairs

How Couples Counselling Deals With Affairs

As part of the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) requirements for Continuous Professional Development, I recently attended a training course on Affairs and their impact on the couple relationship. It was a fascinating course with therapists from different cultures, training and moral values. Affairs are always a controversial subject, often touching both therapists and clients deeply and on a personal level. A quarter of couples coming for relationship counselling present an extramarital affair as their reason for seeking counselling. A...
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