Often when the immediate feeling that arises in us is anger, it can be protecting us from other emotions and it can be helpful to have a look at these. There may be a whole new path hidden in those emotions, which can lead us to a more authentic, joyful and vibrant way of life.
Anger has a habit of putting itself on top; a lot of things may be stored up beneath it, but we cannot access them because the anger is taking up all the space.
Inside anger there is a hidden hope that our reality can and will change, anger is a very powerful energy designed for clearing away obstacles. As long as you feel angry, there is something you are fighting for - whether you are aware of it or not.
But sometimes the problems is that you are fighting to change something that cannot be changed. If you are angry at your partner because there are parts of him you do not like, you might think that if you keep correcting him and scolding him he will change. But you are only making life miserable for both of you. And to no avail, because there are parts of our character that very seldom can be changed.
When you continue to be angry with your elderly parents, inside your anger there might be a hope against hope that somehow the past can be changed. That some miracle will provide you with the things that you were denied as a child. That your parents will be transformed and you can all live together happily ever after.
We are often angry until we find the strength to face our losses and embrace reality as it it. The day you manage to give up the hopeless battle, your anger will become grief. And unlike anger, the advantage of grief is that it invites other people's empathy. You can receive support. And grief is a process. Healthy grief will last a while; you go through it, honouring and letting go of the things you have lost, and in your own time you will be ready to dry your tears and start looking for new possibilities. But anger can turn to bitterness and stay with you for the rest of your life.
Hope that is hidden within anger can play itself out in different ways in many of our relationships - for example, with siblings, ex-partners or employers. If you become aware of the hidden hope and the battle you are fighting, it becomes easier to find a way forward. If you manage to realise what you are hoping for, you can either start working towards changing reality - if that is possible - or you can let go of your hope and begin the grieving process.
When you have grieved for the things you did not receive from your parents, or maybe from a previous partner, you will begin to see your parents or ex-partner as people with assets and limitations just like you. And even though you will not be able to turn back time and have the childhood you dreamed of or restart your marriage, your relationships will start to evolve. New things may become possible when you are not continually trying to change who they are and what has happened.