Couples therapist Susanna Abse explains relationship therapy

There are typical patterns that develop in couples, whether married or cohabiting. These include: 

• neglecting to spend enough pleasurable time together due to such pressures as work and parenting
• conflict that is allowed to simmer over time
• failure to manage the difference between the two individuals
• withdrawal of affection or sex
• breach of trust (infidelity, secret gambling, telling lies)
• significant communication issues
• when one or both partners has difficulty with their attachment style (you can read about attachment styles here, below the information about attachment disorder)

Women are more likely than men to seek help with their relationship and, according to Relate, they are looking for a chance to improve communication with their partner, whereas men are more likely to agree to attend counselling sessions in the hope that a permanent break will be averted. Situations that prompt the decision to find someone to talk to include:

• the discovery of infidelity 
• redundancy, debt, major life crisis such as a death in the family
• adult children leaving home

Couples therapist Julie Menanno explores attachment styles in relationships

Couples counselling or relationship counselling has its own distinctive training. It can be very effective in helping with relationship difficulties. Usually both members of the couple will attend, though sometimes they may also see the counsellor or therapist individually at different times throughout the therapy.

Seeking counselling or psychotherapy for problems in your long-term relationship does not mean it is doomed to failure. In fact, 80 per cent of Relate clients said it had made their relationships stronger. Learning better ways to talk to each other, to share parenting and to live together in a mutually beneficial way is well worth the time and emotional effort it will take to work problems through.