• Our friends have an enormous impact on our lives, and there can be real grief when these relationships change over time

  • Lorena Bernal explores the complex nature of friendship, and when it might be OK to let go


Friendships are integral to our wellbeing. They bring us joy, comfort, and a sense of belonging. Whether we’re navigating life’s challenges or celebrating its joys, having friends by our side makes us feel stronger, supported, and loved. We often share our most vulnerable thoughts and emotions with our friends, relying on them for guidance and companionship. 

However, as much as we cherish these connections, it’s important to recognise that friendships, like all relationships, can change—and sometimes fade away. This is a natural part of life’s ebb and flow.


The complex nature of friendships

Friendships vary depending on our age and life stage, but universally we invest a lot of ourselves in these relationships. We open our hearts, trust others with our secrets, and depend on them for companionship. Yet, despite their importance, friendships can fade. Sometimes this happens gradually, with no specific event triggering the change. Other times, it’s the result of disappointment, a betrayal, or simply growing apart. The fading of a friendship can feel like a relief in some cases, while in others, it can be as painful as a heartbreak.

One of the most difficult experiences in any friendship is feeling let down or betrayed. When a close friend disappoints you, it’s more than just a hurtful incident—it can feel like a deep personal betrayal. The trust you placed in them feels shattered, and the foundation of your relationship is suddenly unstable. In these moments, it’s crucial to acknowledge the pain and decide what’s best for your emotional health. Sometimes, the friendship can be repaired through open communication and a shared commitment to move forward. But in other cases, it’s okay to accept that the relationship has run its course.

As we go through life, our experiences and circumstances shape us, often leading us to evolve in ways our friends don’t, or vice versa. This can result in a growing disconnect, where the only thing you truly share is a past. It’s a strange feeling—someone who was once central to your life now feels distant, almost like a stranger. However, this doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t valuable; it simply reflects the natural flow of life. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and letting go can be a sign of growth for both parties.

Physical distance can also change friendships. When you or your friend moves away, the dynamic inevitably shifts. Only the most resilient connections endure across long distances, requiring consistent effort to maintain. However, without this mutual commitment, the friendship can naturally fade. Even if you reconnect after a long time and initially feel that nothing has changed, you might soon realise that you’ve both grown apart.


The role of social media in letting go

In today’s world, letting go of friendships can be even harder due to social media. It’s easy to maintain a friendship on the surface just by liking posts or watching stories without realising that the connection has naturally run its course. We might find ourselves clinging to people’s lives even when they no longer align with who we are, simply because we continue to follow them online, often out of habit rather than genuine interest. 

On the flip side, social media can be a valuable tool for keeping relationships alive with those who are physically distant, allowing us to stay updated on their lives. However, don’t mistake following someone’s online presence for truly knowing what’s going on with them. If you care about maintaining a connection, ensure you nurture the relationship beyond just social media. Conversely, if you feel the friendship is over and have no real interest in continuing it, it’s perfectly mature to unfollow, let go, and move on with your life.


The lessons some friendships bring

Some friends enter our lives for a specific reason, often acting as mirrors that help us see aspects of ourselves that need attention. They may bring out feelings of lack, jealousy or stagnation, pushing us to grow and move forward. These friendships are often temporary and naturally fade away once the lesson is learned. 

If you notice a friendship fading in a peaceful and organic way, don’t cling to it. Instead, appreciate what it taught you, bless the relationship for what it was, and let it go with gratitude.


Lifelong friendships: Cherishing those that stay

While many friendships are temporary, some are meant to last a lifetime. Whether we met them as children or later in life, these friendships become like family. They stand the test of time and are there through every stage, offering a deep sense of belonging and support. It’s essential to nurture these connections, never taking them for granted. These relationships, built on love, compassion, and shared history, are the ones that enrich our lives profoundly. Treat them with care, as they are part of your lifelong family.


Your most important friendship: The one with yourself

Amid all the connections we build, the most vital friendship is the one you have with yourself. You are the only person who will be with you every single day from birth until the end. Nurturing this relationship is key to living a fulfilled life and being a good friend to others. When you treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and respect, you set the foundation for healthy relationships with others. 

Your self-relationship determines how you show up in your friendships—when you are at peace with yourself, you can approach all connections from a place of abundance rather than need.

Friendships are a precious part of our lives, providing joy, support, and connection. However, as we grow and change, it’s natural for some of these relationships to fade. Whether due to disappointment, growing apart, or physical distance, letting go of friendships is part of life’s journey. 

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes—some last a lifetime, while others are brief but impactful. Some are deep and soul-nourishing, while others remain light and casual. Living a fulfilling life is about embracing connection in all its forms. The key is to stay in tune with yourself so you can discern honestly what each relationship is offering. By doing so, you can fully embrace every connection, whether it’s old or new, deep or shallow. 

Each friendship brings something unique to your life and recognising that allows you to appreciate the richness of human relationships in all their variety.

Lorena Bernal is a certified life coach and founder of the events and coaching platform Live Love Better


Further reading