When you plant lettuce, you don't blame the lettuce if it does not grow well. You look into the reasons why it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce.
Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of others, they will grow well, just like the lettuce. Blaming has no protive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade by means of reason of reason or argument. That is my experience.
No blame, no argument - just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and any difficult situation will improve.
One day in Paris, I gave a lecture about not blaming the lettuce. After the talk, I was doing walking meditation by myself, and when I turned the corner of a building, I overheard an eight-year-old girl telling her mother: 'Mum, remember to water me. I am your lettuce.'
I was so pleased that she had understood my point completely. The I heard her mother reply: 'Yes, darling, and I am your lettuce as well. So please don't forget to water me too.'