5 Ways Adults can Support Children with Behavioural Needs

Mar 04, 2024

Behaviours are a response to our internal and external environment
Paediatric occupational therapist Dave Jereb shares his five tips for supporting children with challenging behaviours
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Supporting children with challenging behaviours is inherently... challenging. The fundamental question is: who owns the challenge? Is it the child's behaviour that is inherently difficult, or is it our perception of it? Often, the child, their peers, and their support network are all affected. We need to identify whose actions or perceptions require change to effectively address these challenges.

Behaviour is a means of adapting to our environment and expressing needs, both for the child and adults. For sustainable change, a collaborative approach is vital, helping the child so that they no longer need to rely on challenging behaviours for adaptation and communication.

Drawing from over two decades as a paediatric occupational therapist, I believe the most compassionate and effective support starts with understanding and modifying our own responses to the child and their actions. In this article, I will share five ways adults can support children with behavioural needs.

1. Reflecting on our emotional response

The influential British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott noted that 'there is no such thing as a baby alone'. We are integral to their experiences, can influence their behaviours, and are likewise affected by them.

It's vital to acknowledge our emotional responses while recognising that the child's behaviour isn't about us. It's about their best attempt to adapt to the situations and events they encounter.

When children exhibit behaviours we find challenging, it's easy to take it personally and assume they're acting manipulatively or intentionally misbehaving. Such assumptions can skew our perception and reactions. By distinguishing our feelings from their behaviour, we start to understand that the child is merely doing their best to cope with their environment.

2. Behaviour as an attempt to adapt

Challenging behaviours often stem from the child's attempt to find comfort and safety within themselves. Every behaviour serves a purpose and fulfils a specific need. Children are rarely regulated, calm, and connected when behaving in ways we find challenging. Rather, they are agitated, over-excited or closer to a 'fight' or 'flight' response mode.

In this state, they’re not able to engage in executive functioning (higher-level thinking and reasoning) as they focus on restoring a sense of safety in their minds, bodies, and emotions. They are unlikely to recognise or communicate this because these functions also rely on higher areas of their brains that are offline under stress.

If we can shift our mindset to understanding that they are adapting to their circumstances as best as they can with the tools they have, we are able to approach supporting them with more empathy. Recognising this enables us to shift from a subjective to an objective perspective.

3.Viewing behaviour objectively

There are many reasons that children behave the way they do. It's crucial to differentiate our quick, subjective opinions, influenced by personal biases and experiences, from the objective facts of the behaviour. Subjective observations reflect personal views, while objective observations focus on the facts.

By objectively viewing behaviour, we open ourselves to all possible causes rather than presupposing reasons. To support children effectively, we must first understand the 'What' of their behaviour (the facts) before deciphering the 'Why' (the reasons).

4. Understanding the ‘Why’ behind the ‘What’

Behaviours don’t happen in a vacuum; there's always a reason, often multiple. When we adopt an objective viewpoint, we can more effectively explore the reasons behind a behaviour. This involves considering the antecedents (what precedes the behaviour), the consequences (what follows), and the child's developmental stage and individual differences.

Antecedents include immediate events before the behaviour and broader contexts like the morning routine or the child's sleep quality. Stressors can have a cumulative impact, as they build across the day. Consequences are the outcomes following the behaviour, which can also reinforce such behaviour.

For instance, children sometimes exhibit avoidance behaviours when it's time to leave our clinic. When a child’s session extends, even through negative emotional interactions, it can make such behaviours more likely to occur. In order to reduce these interactions, we may provide strategies to support the child to anticipate the session end, such as visual timers and schedules. We may speed up the transition with a piggy back or an agreement with their caregiver to speak at a later time, to avoid extending this challenging time. We may recognise their sadness at the session end, and provide a photo from the session or a craft item to take home, providing a memory of their time at the clinic.

Recognising the child's developmental level and understanding is also crucial. Knowing their language comprehension, cognitive capacities, or motor skills profoundly impacts our understanding of their behaviour.

By objectively analysing behaviour, antecedents, and consequences, and considering the child's developmental context, we uncover the underlying reasons. This understanding allows for empathetic and targeted responses, addressing the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Understanding the 'why' enables us to connect and support the child more effectively, fostering a supportive and proactive approach.

5. The power of connection

Connection is pivotal. Establishing a strong bond with a child facilitates co-regulation, helping them return to a regulated state. This, in turn, organises their mind and enhances their thinking and reasoning abilities. Research indicates that a brain immersed in a warm, shared connection is less likely to resort to 'fight or flight' responses often behind challenging behaviours. Such a connection offers the child a sense of safety and security, increasing their openness to engagement and learning. Humans are social beings, our minds are wired around relationships.

By connecting with a child, we become their ally, helping them navigate their world. This approach not only demonstrates care but is also profoundly effective in supporting their behaviour.

To effectively support children in altering their challenging behaviours, our strategies should begin with adjusting our own perceptions and actions. This involves enhancing our self-awareness, acknowledging the child's best attempts to adapt, and shifting from subjective judgments to objective observations of their behaviour.

By understanding the 'why' behind the 'what', we can facilitate lasting change, addressing the root causes of their behaviours proactively and with empathy. Establishing a warm, connected relationship is crucial as it fosters an environment where the child's brain can develop the necessary connections for improved thinking, reasoning, and social interaction.

Through understanding and connection, we not only manage behaviour but also empower the child towards meaningful growth and development.

Dave Jereb is a paediatric occupational therapist and author of Challenging the Story: A Surprisingly Simple Approach to Supporting Children with Challenging Behaviours