Dear Therapist,

Last year, I had several months of therapy and found it very helpful in understanding my anxiety and the emotional swings I was experiencing. I thought these insights would eliminate the symptoms but I’m still anxious and emotional much of the time. I suppose I could go back to therapy but wondered if you have any other suggestions.  

Signed,

Still Agitated 

Dear Agitated,

Talk therapy is a wonderful tool to build awareness and insights. And it creates the space for emotions to surface and be expressed. The first (cognitive understanding) usually comes more quickly than the second (emotional processing).  There is a stickiness to old emotional patterns developed and sustained over decades. Several rounds of attending to these and befriending them are typically necessary, and not just in the therapy room.  

What does this look like? It starts with noticing the cues that the anxiety or another uncomfortable emotion is present – it might be your thoughts are racing or your heart is pounding or other. Take note. Then linger on the physical sensations you experience, the somatic signature of this unease in the body. Often, this is in the torso – tightness in the chest or belly. 

Resist the temptation to make sense of these feelings – asking ‘why’ and coming up with interpretations. Instead focus on ‘what’ is happening in the present moment; ‘how’ the discomfort is manifesting in the body without needing it to change. (Note: if you aren’t aware of any specific physical sensations, just bring attention to the abdomen and observe the rise and fall as you breathe in and out. The overall aim is to move from the brain to the body.) 

We can build the capacity to let unpleasant sensations just be there and in doing so become a companion to, rather than a critic of, this discomfort. The companion wants to understand, support and nurture us in our difficult moments. The critic judges the discomfort as ‘wrong,’ ‘weak,’ or a ‘problem’ (and posits we are the problem). The companion helps us process and move on; the critic shuts us down and keeps us stuck.  

Our disposition towards our emotional swings is pretty fundamental to overall wellbeing.    

I’d encourage you to experiment with the steps described above. Developing an ‘inner companion’ to our uncomfortable emotions allows us to process and survive them. In this way, we build confidence in our capacity to accompany difficult emotions so we no longer need to fear them.  

Yours,

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