Imagine you are seeing a counsellor because your anxiety is getting out of hand. After a few sessions things are starting to ease, but there is still one issue that is really worrying you. Something that makes you feel weird and different and makes you wonder if there is something totally wrong with you. After a few false starts you finally take a deep breath and summon up the courage to ask the therapist if it’s ok to talk about your spiritual beliefs.
It's not easy for many of us to talk about what we believe, whether it’s as a client or a therapist, or supervisee and supervisor. Which is a pity because all the evidence – as well as common sense – suggests that if we talk about our beliefs, our values, how we understand the world, this will help our growth and recovery from whatever we are struggling with. It’s still a taboo for many people, something too personal, that makes us too vulnerable to judgement or persecution.
Why is it so difficult to talk about beliefs? Even saying the very non-committal “I'm spiritual rather than religious” can seem challenging in some circumstances. If your religious beliefs are important to you and your therapist appears to be entirely secular in their worldview, there can be a real fear that they won’t understand you. When researching my book, several interviewees told me how they feared that a therapist might not grasp what an integral part of their life their faith was, and wouldn’t accept this in the therapy room.
And therapists can be equally fearful. Therapists who have a clear faith (of whatever nature, including Humanist) may well feel constrained not to show this, so as not to influence, or put off the client. The majority of therapists in the UK, and certainly in the US, are not religious, though may be more or less interested in spirituality. Asking about someone’s faith can seem like venturing out onto thin ice. Will I get it wrong? Will they expect me to know stuff that I have no idea about? Will I offend them? What if I can’t agree with their beliefs? Will I miss something important about their emotional development? Training courses often don't include spiritual exploration as part of their relational training, yet it is a key part of our relationships with others, with ourselves, and with a sense of something greater than us all.
I want to address these fears and make the whole subject of faith a delightful curiosity to explore as an integral part of deepening the therapeutic relationship. Psychotherapy, like faith, involves exploring inner worlds and facing wildness, uncertainty, and not-knowing. There is more common ground here than standard therapy training may have revealed. As well as offering practical examples and pointers towards good practice, in the book I encourage therapists and anyone interested in therapy to explore their own beliefs, and their relationship to uncertainty and the unexplainable. With the growth of AI and medicalised approaches to therapy I feel there is a real need for the intensely human and often mysterious connection that can emerge in the therapy room (whether online or in-person).
Exploring beliefs brings up tensions between mystery, hope and reason. I have made these into characters who guide us through the book, highlighting the key issue in each chapter, tussling over their differences and frustrations with each other as they search for understanding.
I am fascinated by the mystery of both therapy and faith. I am also intrigued by how our relational needs change as we get older, how experiences of faith might intersect with neurodiversity, and the role hope plays in our work together. I am a Quaker, drawn to contemplation and Sufi mysticism and more recently, shamanic practice. I understand relationships and connection as key to our lives, and this runs through the book: with the natural world, with ourselves, between client and therapist, and with the “wider than human”. I feel that in an increasingly fearful world we need to develop our capacity to act with love and trust and find ways to create bridges over divides. I hope this book will help both client and therapist to find a deeper connection in their work together, to explore what brings meaning and purpose to life, to reflect, and to allow the mystery of the therapeutic process to weave its magic. Writing it has helped me grow and I hope it will help you, the reader, also.
Back in the room, your courage has paid off. The therapist is fine with this. It’s such a relief and out it all tumbles, received with curiosity and validation. Colour has returned to your life and being you becomes just that bit easier again.
