Josh Friend is an online counsellor

What attracted you to become a therapist?

I'd been working in student wellbeing and mental health support for years, and I kept seeing the same thing. People can look like they're coping, but underneath there's a lot of pressure, self-doubt, and feeling like they have to hold it all together. I wanted to do work that goes beyond advice or coping strategies and helps people understand what's driving the pattern. Therapy felt like the right place for that, because it makes space for both insight and emotional change, not just managing the next deadline or the next bad day.

Where did you train as a therapist?

I trained in the UK at City and Islington College and completed my clinical placement in a university counselling service at Queen Mary University of London, working in a short-term model under psychodynamic supervision. I also provided remote counselling during training through an online service, which gave me experience working with adults across the UK.

Can you tell us about the type of therapy you practise?

I'm an integrative therapist with a psychodynamic and person-centred foundation. In practice that means the relationship matters and I'm not neutral or distant, but I'm also not there to "fix" you or tell you what to do. We work collaboratively, with clear boundaries, and we pay attention to patterns.

A lot of people's current stress or relationship difficulties make more sense when you look at what they learned earlier about worth, safety, closeness, or performance. I'm interested in what's happening underneath the surface. The ways you protect yourself, what gets triggered, and what you keep having to manage alone. The person-centred part is about a steady, non-judgemental environment. The psychodynamic part is about helping the unconscious become more conscious, so you have more choice instead of repeating the same loop.

How does your type of therapy help with symptoms of your area of expertise?

If we take work stress, self-esteem, and anxiety as an example, people often come in treating the problem as purely external. Workload, deadlines, a difficult environment. Sometimes those are real and they matter. But there's often a second layer. An inner pressure to be good enough, fear of disappointing people, or feeling like you can't say no without consequences.

Therapy helps by slowing that down and making it clearer. We look at what the internal rules are, where they came from, and how they show up now. Often the goal is less about becoming "confident" overnight and more about developing a stronger internal sense of evaluation, so you're not constantly measuring yourself through other people's expectations. Over time, people tend to feel less hijacked by anxiety and more able to pause and choose how they handle things, rather than running on autopilot.

What sort of people do you usually see?

I work with adults in individual therapy. People often come to me for work stress and burnout, anxiety, low mood, self-esteem, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and relationship strain. A common theme is feeling "high-functioning" on the outside while privately feeling tense, over-responsible, or never quite settled.

Have you noticed any recent mental health trends or wider changes in attitude?

I think people are more aware of mental health language now, which can be helpful. At the same time, there's a real cultural push to optimise and perform, and it can leave people feeling like they should be able to cope if they just try harder. I also see more people questioning whether their "personality" is actually a set of coping strategies they've had to rely on for a long time.

What do you like about being a therapist?

I like the moment when something clicks and becomes real for a person. Not as something they can repeat back to me, but something they actually feel. They start noticing a pattern as it happens, they become less harsh with themselves, or they take a different step in a relationship. I also like the steadiness of the work. A good therapeutic relationship gives people a secure base to explore things they've avoided for years.

What is less pleasant?

The admin side is part of it, and it's not glamorous. Clinically, the harder part is sitting with things that aren't quickly solvable.

How long have you been with Welldoing and what you think of us?

I'm fairly new to Welldoing. What I like is that it feels straightforward, and it's easier for clients to find someone who fits what they're actually looking for, rather than scrolling through endless profiles. I haven't joined the peer support groups yet, but I like the fact they're there as an option.

What books have been important to you in terms of your professional and personal development? Do you ever recommend books to clients?

A few books that have shaped how I think about therapy are:

• An Introduction to Counselling by John McLeod
• The Therapeutic Relationship by Petruska Clarkson
• A Secure Base by John Bowlby
• Learning from the Patient by Patrick Casement
• Forms of Feeling by Robert Hobson

I do sometimes recommend books, but only when it fits the client. For some people reading supports the work and gives language to what they are experiencing. For others it turns into another thing to do perfectly, and then it is not helpful.

What you do for your own mental health?

Supervision is a big part of staying grounded and reflective, especially when the work is complex. Outside of that, I love reading fantasy and horror novels.

You are an online therapist. What can you share with us about seeing clients online?

I work online with adults across the UK. The upside is accessibility. People can fit therapy around work, caring responsibilities, disability, travel limits, or simply privacy. It also means I see a broad mix of people.

What's your consultation room like?

Since I work online, it's a private, quiet room set up specifically for sessions.

What do you wish people knew about therapy?

That therapy isn't an advice service, and it isn't just talking about your week. It's a relationship where patterns show up, and where you can start to understand yourself in a way that actually changes how you live. It can be uncomfortable at times because it involves honesty, but it shouldn't feel like you're being judged or analysed from a distance. It should feel like two people doing careful work together.

What did you learn about yourself in therapy?

That when I'm under pressure my instinct is to move into my head. Thinking, organising, making sense of things, trying to stay in control. Therapy helped me notice when that's useful and when it's a way of avoiding feeling. It also taught me something practical about relationships. Being consistent and boundaried is often better than trying to be liked.