I wrote the article on ‘Media Malice’ in 2000 because I was seeing, increasingly, in the consulting room, the consequences of a culture that is condemning and persecutory, without compassion or understanding. How do we keep compassion for ourselves if we judge any failure or lack as unforgivable?

It is worth asking why public gossip is so engaging in the first place. When I researched my original article, I found that Plutarch, the Greek essayist, drew a telling distinction between envy and malignancy: ‘For envy is pain at another’s good, while malignancy is joy at another’s sorrow’ (On Being a Busy Body).

‘Joy at another’s sorrow’ is ominous and a pretty accurate description of what we witness everyday in the media and sadly increasingly in politics.  How aware are we of the price paid by those on the receiving end of public humiliation? Finding entertainment in another’s misfortune is clearly nothing new, but public shaming has a huge impact on those who are shamed, as well as on their friends and family.  

The damage done by this public shaming and bullying is not hard to imagine but what is less obvious is the damage done to the rest of us. On any day, we will find numerous examples of someone who is being shamed either in print or online. Public shaming is profitable. It sells papers and clicks.  How does this impact us? I would argue that a culture that relishes the shaming and condemning of others, will also encourage us to feel shame and contempt for ourselves. When we experience difficulties in our own lives, as we will inevitably do, we are vulnerable to giving our experiences negative meanings. Most of us will have to cope at some time with disappointments, losses, failures, rejection. We will know anxiety, fear and unhappiness. If we sit in constant judgement of ourselves when things don’t go well, how likely is it that we will find compassion for ourselves.

I work as an EMDR therapist and in the EMDR protocol we focus on a difficult, traumatic experience that still causes pain and distress. A very important part of the protocol is asking what the negative thought is that you have about yourself when focusing of the worst element of the experience. ‘I’m worthless’, or ‘I’m bad’ or ‘ it’s my fault’ are commonly held negative beliefs. These are toxic, and an important part of the work is identifying a realistic positive or preferred self-belief that can enable the client to have a more compassionate view of themselves. ‘I have value’ or ‘ I am a good person’ or ‘I did my best’. Often a client might ‘know’ that their preferred self beliefs are accurate but they can’t fully believe or feel it. It is often the work of therapy to help someone look at their reactions through a more benign lens and enable them to truly believe in this more compassionate view of themselves. However, if the public discourse is not benign but relentlessly malignant how do we maintain empathy for ourselves and others?

Is it any surprise that we are witnessing a huge rise in depression and anxiety across all ages in our society? It does not mean we have no critical judgement; it means proportionate critical judgement. It means understanding something of what the other is feeling and above all it also means kindness and compassion which is so desperately needed both individually and socially.

It is also clear that we are endlessly tempted to judgement without full knowledge of the facts. Meghan Markle has been at the receiving end of an incredibly hostile press for the past several years. For example, the media response to her refusal to meet with her father since her marriage or let her children meet with him has been brutal in its condemnation. Then he was accused of having child pornography in his possession which are allegations he denies. We don’t know the truth but suddenly her responses are seen through eyes that are more compassionate and journalists have started to write about her in much kinder tones. It is sad that this kindness comes only when she is publicly facing such a painful dilemma.