Meet the Therapist: Martin Kelly
Martin Kelly is a therapist working online and on the Kent/Surrey border
What attracted you to become a therapist?
After a breakdown, I had therapy which helped me focus on what I wanted out of life (a partner, a garden, a dog and a house). They came, but not in that order. It struck me that maybe I was called to become a therapist myself and offer to others on their journey the help I had received on my own. That was 25 years ago.
Where did you train?
I trained at what was then the Psychosynthesis & Education Trust, and qualified in 2002.
Can you tell us about the type of therapy you practise?
I practise psychosynthesis because I found it transformed my life when I was on the receiving end. It takes pain, crisis and failure seriously but doesn't believe you are 'ill' or a 'problem'. Rather you are a person who needs trauma to grow (ouch!). On the other side, however, lies growth in your potential as a person and an increasing sense of self-fulfilment.
What sort of people do you usually see?
I see all sorts and ages, but I only work with individuals. Relationship difficulties, people looking to find their place in the world and what they're for, predominate. Like I did, there are people who want to put together their sexuality and their spirituality, too.
What do you like about being a therapist?
It's hard to say this without it sounding like a cliché but it is an honour to sit with people in their struggles and a joy to see them come through them.
What is less pleasant?
Sometimes it's hard work, particularly staying with a client in depression. Then you realise this is actually a job, not just something you do because you're fascinated. I've never thought it was a job not worth doing though.
Do you ever suggest books or apps to clients?
I've suggested Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw to a couple of people, and once I recommended a passage from Anna Karenina in which the depressed landowner Levin reviews the life he actually leads as opposed to the one in his head. He comes to the conclusion that his life is good but his thinking is bad.
What do you do for your own mental health?
My prayer is contemplative and that helps refresh and centre me. I also enjoy being part of the community, particularly running the bar for our local film club, The Fleapit. I walk everyday in the countryside with Eric, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
You are a therapist in Westerham. What can you tell us about seeing clients in these areas?
Westerham and the surrounding towns, villages and countryside produce clients with the full range of challenges. It is a prosperous area and the one issue that stands out is disillusionment. I have everything, but what does it mean? What is it I really want?
What's your consultation room like?
My consulting room is small, containing three chairs, a bureau, a bookcase and a lamp table. I consider it cosy and I hope it gives my clients a sense of containment and safety in which they can open up to me about anything that is on their mind or heart. I also believe I can create a ‘place’ of safety working with clients online.
What do you wish people knew about therapy?
That it is about growth, that there is hope embedded in their troubles.
What did you learn about yourself in therapy?
That I was valuable. That my thinking was bad but that my life could be good.
