Meet the Therapist: Elaine Benardout

Elaine Benardout is a therapist in North London

What attracted you to become a therapist?

I was drawn to therapeutic work as a second career, which shared some parallels with my previous role.

I spent the early part of my career working in the field of training and development, involved in business development, coaching and mentoring of both clients and colleagues.

My role incorporated understanding client requirements, and helping them with their skill gaps, and career development.

Instinctively I was supporting clients in more that just career development. With listening, understanding and empathy, I was effectively using informal counselling skills. This experience was pivotal in my decision to retrain as a therapist. I could adopt a more structured and professional approach to working with those experiencing life’s challenges.

Also, the idea of the ‘wounded healer resonated – that through our own experiences, we can feel well placed to connect with people and help. I feel privileged to do this work.

Where did you train?

I did my certificate at the Mary Ward and my diploma at City Lit. I completed accreditation through the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy). I also trained on the helpline of a women’s domestic violence charity followed by a clinical placement with HomeStart.

Can you tell us about the type of therapy you practise?
 
I practise integrative therapy, leading with a person-centred and humanistic approach. I believe that given the right conditions, people have the capacity for change. Whilst the client is the expert on themselves, it’s the therapeutic relationship that heals. So the connection between us is paramount to the effectiveness of our work together which takes place in a non-judgmental and empathic way.

I also work with psychodynamic therapy which enables us to revisit the past, as it informs our present. Exploring unconscious thoughts (e.g Freudian slips!) and defense mechanisms (e.g denial) as a means of protecting ourselves against uncomfortable/anxious thoughts .

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a behavioural therapy with an emphasis on addressing our beliefs and making change. Learning skills to manage negative thought patterns (thinking biases and irrational beliefs).

How does the way you work help with symptoms of people pleasing?

People pleasing is about placing others' needs and feelings before our own. This serves to disconnect us from others as our insides are not matching our outsides (i.e what we really want or need).

In sessions we will explore the fear behind a need to please others and the inevitable impact on the individual. We will look at the messages internalised in early years (maybe it was safer to conform than to risk conflict) and present coping mechanisms.

Practical exercises encourage clients to dig into their own needs and desires, allowing controlled exposure to situations they encounter. Journaling their experiences can be helpful in identifying what’s going on and any changes.

Therapy gives clients the time and space to unlearn old behaviour, set new boundaries and gain more control of their lives. Together, we change their narrative.

What sort of people do you usually see?
 
In my practice I see mainly adults individually and sometimes teens (16+) too. My client base is diverse in terms of gender, sexual orientation, race and religion. I am privileged to work with such a diversity of people and experiences.

I see people with a variety of issues including those experiencing anxiety, depression, fears, grief, low self-confidence/self-esteem and relationship challenges.

I work extensively with clients dealing with traits associated with neurodiversity, in particular ADHD. I believe that as therapists, we need to be increasingly informed and adaptable in our approach to working with neurodiversity. For example executive functioning skills may be challenging for someone with ADHD (e.g. the ability to organise). In recognising this, I allow due consideration when planning tasks are required of them.

The importance of being aware of the appropriate therapeutic approach we use with clients inspired me to write an article for Welldoing on how I adapt my approach when working with ADHD.


Have you noticed any recent mental health trends or wider changes in attitude?

Following on from my point above, I have noticed that whilst ADHD is certainly not new, changes in attitudes and increasing recognition have given it the exposure I feel it deserves. Not withstanding the danger of ‘over-diagnosing’ or ‘excusing’ certain behaviours, my experience has shown that sound knowledge and understanding of associated traits is vital and reassuring to people we work with.

Growing awareness of the impact of the ADHD brain structural differences means that targeted help can now be accessed. Offering appropriate therapy or other support provides individuals with the opportunity to relate their experiences to real acceptance and understanding – rather than the blame/shame they may have experienced.

What do you like about being a therapist?

Being able to be so curious about peoples' experiences. It isn’t our job to tell our clients what to do or how. Instead I see the benefits in supporting them as they find their own conclusions. When I can help them to navigate the question of ‘what’s happened inside them as a result of what’s happened to them’, rather than ‘what’s wrong with them.’

I am privileged to sit with my clients sharing their inner thoughts and fears, occasionally for the first time in their lives. Our collaboration grows in that moment.

Therapy is more than transactional. It’s relational, with a big emphasis on the relationship. Being part of that process, witnessing how powerfully the relationship can impact the outcome is something I love about being a therapist.

Working on the jigsaw, uncovering and finding a way through the pieces, paying attention to emotions and making sense of them, the occasional ‘aha’ moment.

Witnessing changes in how they now experience themselves, being able to navigate their relationships, have more confidence in making decisions, increased self-esteem…..

What is less pleasant?

When a client is reluctant to engage. I remind myself about Carl Rogers' (psychologist and founder of the humanistic approach) conditions for therapy to succeed, if the client is not ready for to do the work required or not open to change. Perhaps they are not ready to take responsibility.

Our work is a two-way process and we have to accept that we cannot always help where the pre-conditions are not present.

How long have you been with Welldoing and what do you think of us?

I've been a member of Welldoing since 2022. I particularly enjoy the lunchtime CPD courses.
Also the regular newsletters containing articles (on which I have a back log of reading!). I also appreciate the general peer support network they offer.

What books have been important to you in terms of your professional and personal development? Do you ever recommend books to clients?

Bessel van der Kolk The Body Keeps the Score
Julia Samuels Grief Works and This Too Shall Pass
Irvin D. Yalom The Gift of Therapy
Philippa Perry The Book You Want Everyone You Love to Read
Richard Schwartz No Bad Parts

I do recommend books to clients, where appropriate. Some examples include:

Viktor E. Frankl Man’s Search For Meaning
Edith Eger The Choice
Dr Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Attached

What do you do for your own mental health?

Pilates
Running
Reading
Journaling

You are a therapist in North London. What can you share with us about seeing clients in this area?

Finchley is a diverse and vibrant area and I see both local people and also those who travel from further away. The option for online therapy means that clients also access my services from far and wide!

What’s your consultation room like?

I feel fortunate that my main venue for seeing clients is at Terapia in Finchley north London, a therapy centre with warm and comfortable therapy rooms. Clients enjoy the calm atmosphere. It is set in green parkland space which is conducive to walk and talk therapy – especially in good weather!

What do you wish people knew about therapy?

Everybody feels pain and therapists are often amazed at human resilience. The therapy relationship is unique, unlike other relationship in our lives. Good therapy can be life-changing. Our clients teach us lessons on a regular basis and we learn from them .

Therapy can be proactive as well as reactive. In this way the process works as a two-way conversation . Therapists can offer psycho-education, to explain what’s going on theoretically, and also practical guidance to translate changes into actions.


What did you learn about yourself in therapy?

In my therapy, I sought an openness and an eagerness to connect with my therapist. Incorporating humour – to lighten the mood or to help to convey a message – was both helpful and important to me. Initially I felt discomfort with the therapeutic silence. I now see how powerful that can be. The therapist does not have to know the answers to everything. Indeed, to be honest is to be authentic and vulnerable.