How to Support Yourself Through Trauma
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While trauma-informed therapy can be essential in overcoming trauma, there are also things you can do for yourself
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Clinical Psychologist Dr Yvonne Waft offers her advice
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We have trauma-informed therapists available – find them here
To a psychologist, trauma is what happens when a person experiences an overwhelming event, or series of events, where they are powerless to deal effectively with the situation. The effects of trauma are typically worse when there is no-one available to support the person during or after the event. The range of traumatic events that people experience is vast, from a road accident, through domestic violence, childhood abuse, war, sexual assault, bullying at school, and many others.
When we experience a traumatic event, we go into a survival mode where our efforts are focused towards getting out of the situation alive, and unharmed if possible. Our body releases adrenaline and glucose into our bloodstream and we breathe more quickly to increase the amount of oxygen available to help fuel our muscles for the fight or flight. If the odds look hopeless, we have a further option of the freeze response, where we effectively play dead as this might be our best option for survival.
During fight, flight or freeze, our thinking mind and digestive system slow down or shut off completely to free up energy for our survival actions. Thoughts, feelings, images and body sensations are not processed, they are just thrown into the back of our mind to be dealt with later. We don’t get a choice about how we react in a traumatic situation; our primitive instincts take over to get us through the situation as safely as possible, and only afterwards can we reflect on what happened and process it.
Typically, after trauma we see a range of difficulties as people try to move on from what happened. These often resolve naturally within a few weeks, but in some cases they get worse rather than better and can have serious long term impacts. People may experience unwanted thoughts, memories and nightmares about the event. They may go to great lengths to avoid any reminders of what happened. They may have mood problems and lose interest in things they usually enjoy and may even become suicidal. They may have sleep difficulties, irritability, be hypervigilant and unable to relax. People may then adopt “coping strategies” that seem to help in the moment, but can become increasingly problematic over time, such as drinking alcohol, taking drugs, or using excessive distractions such as overworking, overthinking, overeating, overexercising, or self-harming, for example.
Whilst the person wants to avoid thinking or feeling anything about the event, their mind knows they need to reflect and process it, and this is what is happening when they have those intrusive thoughts, memories and nightmares. However, the more they try to avoid this the more the intrusions bother them. It is a vicious circle. So what can we do?
Ultimately, we need to confront our traumatic memories and re-process them, learning what we need to take forward, and letting go of the parts we no longer need to hang on to. For example, if we felt unsafe in the situation, we may be unnecessarily hanging on to that sense of danger now. It is as if a part of us is stuck back in the time of the trauma believing we are still unsafe. We need to go back, look at the memory and realise that it is over now, and we are safe now. Trauma focused therapy can be very helpful here but is not essential. There is much that we can do to help ourselves.
Knowledge is power when it comes to trauma. Knowing that your current difficulties are normal in the aftermath of trauma is a big step towards healing. Many people think they are losing their mind, and panic about it, or beat themselves up for it. Whereas understanding the ways that trauma impacts us, helps us to be kinder to ourselves and begin the healing journey. Reading about the impact of trauma is therefore a vital first step.
Finding your people is important too. If you already have a good support network, then you are another step closer to healing. If you don’t, then you need to find them. This might involve joining online support groups as a first step, or real-life support groups such as groups for combat veterans or survivors of domestic abuse. Alternatively, you might start with online groups for things you are keen on, such as cookery, or photography. Through finding your people, you will begin to make connections where you can gradually open up about what you have experienced, and gain support, understanding and healing. It should go without saying that you must cautious in opening up to strangers, make sure you take time to build adequate trust first.
Finally, there are skills we can learn to bring ourselves back to the present moment and ground ourselves, whilst making space for our feelings and memories without being swept away by them. Once we learn to be mindfully present with the reality of this moment, we can start thinking about taking our next best step towards a life worth living. We may even begin to thrive, not merely survive.
As a registered Clinical Psychologist in the UK, working for the last 20+ years with people coping in the aftermath of trauma, and also as a disabled woman who has survived significant trauma in my own life, I have a lot more to say on this topic. My newly published book Coping with Trauma: Surviving and Thriving in the Face of Overwhelming Events is the handbook I needed back at 19 years of age when I became disabled through a traumatic illness. It is also the handbook I needed as a new psychology graduate in the late 1990s, starting to work with traumatised people. Whether you are dealing with your own experiences of trauma, supporting a friend or family member in the aftermath of trauma, or are embarking on a career in a helping profession working with people who have experienced trauma, I hope that my book can help enlighten you and guide you on the journey ahead.
Dr Yvonne Waft is a registered Clinical Psychologist and author of Coping with Trauma: Surviving and Thriving in the Face of Overwhelming Events
