The term “inner child” might evoke different things for different people. For some, it brings up warmth and nostalgia. For others, it may stir pain or longing. In psychotherapy, the inner child isn’t just a metaphor, it refers to the emotional parts of ourselves shaped in childhood that still live within us. These parts carry early memories, needs, and impressions that influence our adult selves, often without our conscious awareness.
By weaving together ideas from attachment theory and the internal family systems (IFS) model, inner child therapy helps people better understand the emotional patterns they carry and how to heal them. This way of working can be deeply transformative, offering a path toward greater self-understanding, emotional freedom, and healthier relationships.
Why our early relationships matter
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, helps explain why our earliest relationships are so influential. From infancy, we look to our caregivers to meet our emotional needs: to soothe us when we are distressed, to attune to us when we are joyful, and to help us feel safe. These early experiences create internal templates, called internal working models, that guide how we relate to others and ourselves later in life.
When caregivers are emotionally present and consistent, children tend to grow up feeling secure and valued. But if the environment is unpredictable, rejecting, or overly demanding, children adapt in order to survive. These adaptations often involve forming beliefs like, “I have to be perfect to be loved” or “My emotions aren’t safe to express.” As adults, we may not realise we are still carrying these old beliefs and survival strategies.
Meeting the inner child
In therapy, the “inner child” refers to the parts of us that were formed in early life and still hold the emotions, unmet needs, and coping patterns of that time. These parts are not frozen in the past — they show up in our adult lives, especially in moments of stress, conflict, or emotional vulnerability.
Perhaps you have had a strong emotional reaction that felt disproportionate to what was happening. Maybe a comment from a partner triggered a flood of shame or a wave of anxiety. These responses are often the voice of the inner child reminding us of a much earlier time when we felt something similar, but didn’t yet have the tools or support to process it.
Therapy offers a space to gently explore these experiences. With the support of a therapist, we can begin to recognise and nurture these younger parts, offering them what they never received: understanding, care, and a sense of safety.
How internal family systems (IFS) helps
The internal family systems model, developed by Richard Schwartz, views the mind as made up of distinct “parts,” each with its own role. Some parts are young and wounded, like the inner child, while others are protectors that work hard to keep us safe, often by avoiding vulnerability or pushing down difficult feelings.
One person might have a perfectionist part that works overtime to avoid criticism, while another might have a withdrawn part that shuts down when intimacy feels threatening. These protectors aren’t the problem. They are doing their best to help, but they can become extreme and rigid over time.
At the centre of the IFS model is the “Self”, a calm and compassionate presence within each of us that can help care for and heal these parts. The therapeutic goal is not to get rid of parts but to build a relationship with them. When we listen to our inner child from a place of Self, healing becomes possible. Our protective parts no longer need to work so hard, because they trust that we can handle the pain that once felt overwhelming.
The process of reparenting
Reparenting is a powerful aspect of inner child work. It involves learning to give yourself the emotional care you may not have received when you needed it most. This might include:
• Noticing when a younger part is activated, perhaps through feelings of shame, fear, or loneliness.
• Responding to that part with curiosity rather than judgment.
• Offering comfort, validation, or reassurance from your adult self.
• Challenging internalised beliefs that stem from childhood messages.
• Making space for play, creativity, and joy as part of healing.
With time and consistent attention, this process can help reduce inner conflict and foster a more integrated sense of self.
How this work transforms relationships
Many of the challenges people face in relationships, whether with a partner, friend, or colleague, have their roots in early attachment experiences. If you grew up feeling unheard, you may now over-explain or fear conflict. If you were rejected for expressing emotion, you may hide your feelings or distance yourself from others.
As you begin to understand and care for your inner child, these patterns often start to shift. You may find it easier to set boundaries, express your needs, or stay emotionally present in difficult moments. Rather than reacting from an old wound, you learn to respond from a more grounded, conscious place.
Moving forward with compassion
Healing the inner child is not about fixing what is broken, it is about reconnecting with parts of yourself that have long been waiting for attention. It is about listening to the stories you have carried, the needs that went unmet, and the emotions that were never fully expressed. By doing so, you create the conditions for growth, resilience, and emotional freedom.
For many clients, this work opens the door to greater authenticity and connection, not just with others, but with themselves. And while the journey can be tender and challenging at times, it’s one that leads to a deeper, more compassionate way of being.
If you are curious about exploring inner child work, or want to learn more about how IFS and attachment-informed therapy can support your healing, why not reach out to a therapist? It’s never too late to care for the parts of you that didn’t get what they needed the first time around.
