Andrew Tobert

I work with people who have lost themselves, who cannot show up fully in relationships, at work, in their lives. The people who look after everyone, except themselves. Perhaps you're the nurse who cannot say no to extra shifts. Or the boyfriend who bites his tongue rather than show his partner he is angry. Perhaps you're the social butterfly who is always there for other people, but cannot be alone. Or you had to hide part of yourself. You grew up queer and it wasn't safe or perhaps something terrible happened, and now you struggle to connect to that part of yourself, or even talk about it. Perhaps it's your life you feel lost in. The world seems to be on fire - metaphorically and literally - and you struggle to believe that you matter. You cannot plan for your future because, underneath it all, you cannot imagine that you will have one. The thread that connects all my clients is that they struggle to accept all of themselves. They cannot voice their no, they cannot prioritise themselves. They often carry enormous shame; shame of who they are; shame of what they have done; shame of what was done to them. I work with these people, because I know what that experience is like. When I arrived in London, I was lost. I joined social justice and environmental movements and in that process, I learned what it was like to say no. I learned that I could take up space. I could be difficult and I could say the thing that needed to be said. When I was arrested, I felt a power coursing through my veins that I had never felt before. This is why I became a therapist. I want to connect you to that feeling of your own power. And I won't insist you get arrested.