Ask a Therapist

So is it true that couples therapists don’t take sides? Well, mostly.

I mean, the purpose of seeing a therapist is so that they can hear a couple equally – but sometimes, if one person is being dominated and the other person has completely lost their voice in the relationship, then you need to back them up. You need to kind of create space for them to be able to say what they need to say. It’s not really taking sides, it’s just about empowering the person who has less of a voice in the relationship. Also, though, if someone is doing something that is really, I guess, mean or triggering for the other person and it’s on purpose, then yeah, there are times where you can support them, and that’s fair.

But largely, if two people are upset or concerned about a similar problem and there is still respect being shown between them, then we don’t take sides. It’s more about just trying to get them into a place where they can have a healthy conversation and they can both hear each other. Mostly, it’s about trying to create an equal voice for each of them. Not sides, more equality – and you put the emphasis where you need to to try and create that.