Ask a Therapist

If you’re in therapy, you may be wondering what to do if you have romantic feelings for your therapist. Well, this happens quite frequently and you don’t really have to do anything. Therapy is a vulnerable process, and an intimate relationship. It’s common to experience the intimacy and intensity of the therapeutic relationship as romantic, or even sexual.

Romantic feelings in the therapy room are often about transference or projection, which means that feelings from elsewhere in your life or your past are projected onto the therapist. And it’s very easy to project onto a therapist because we usually don’t know much about the therapist’s personal life, so they can be this kind of blank slate to project onto.

If you feel brave, you can talk to your therapist about this. A good therapist will be able to hold this without judgement and help you navigate your thoughts and feelings around this common topic. In my experience, it’s a great idea to share your romantic feelings with your therapist to gain greater self-understanding and awareness. Remember, it’s the therapist’s job to hold the boundaries that keep you both safe.