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Why Do People Take Such High Risks with Sexual Behaviour?
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Psychosexual therapist and sex addiction specialist Gary McFarlane explores why people might exhibit such risky behaviour when it comes to sex
A recent media article is headed “Ex-Olympian reveals real reason there’s so much sex between athletes during the olympics”. As to any truth in that article, the likelihood is that the larger portion of the athletes probably do not have a Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder (CSBD) (more colloquially called sex addiction). Here is the definition of sex addiction that I use:
"A pattern of sexual behaviours which pre-occupy your thoughts and are out of control. You cannot stay stopped for a sustainable period or consistently and it has harmful consequences and the behaviour serves a function in your life and it is used primarily to anaesthetize some negative feeling state. (The important criterion, which makes it an addiction, rather than a love of sex, is that, it serves a function)”.
The key part of this definition, is that “it serves a function”. The reality is that, the larger portion of those involved in any such repetitive activities can take it or leave it without it seemingly having a perceived adverse impact on the physiology of their body/emotions/wellbeing.
It is the potent self-manufactured neurochemicals of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and norephrinepine that some will have become use-dependent upon. That would have happened some time before arriving at the Olympic village. Activities in the Olympic village will take the behaviours to higher levels of risk taking and boundary crossing in order to satisfy the craving. Without it, those with a true compulsion (because the neurochemicals “serve a function") will be impacted and likely manifest in an adverse mood reaction if the craving is not satisfied.
On the other hand, Huw Edwards (a high profile, currently in the media) regrettably, likely does have a porn compulsivity/addiction. The increased risk taking and crossing boundaries will likely have been happening for some time, in order to have got him to the place of what has unfolded.
It makes no sense to many of us as to why a person would risk his marriage, other relationships, career, high profile role and impact on family and status, in order to do such activities. It is because the behaviours – not the porn viewing per se but the getting the neurochemical fix – is so powerful. Porn viewing and the commensurate risks, is the equivalent of the drug takers needle. It is the conduit to get the neurochemicals into the body. It isn’t about porn or sex!
Take away that specific behaviour and there likely will be a co-addiction waiting in the wings to come through the back door. The brain will gravitate to something else; because it isn’t about sex, porn, alcohol drugs, food, gaming or gambling. It is mostly about the chemical fix; the brain finding a way to satisfy the now changed and use-dependent physiology of the body.
Yes, but does sex or porn addiction really exist? Judge for yourself. The 9th International Conference on Behavioural Addictions (held by the International Society for the Study of Behavioural Addictions (ISSBA)), held all over the world, was in Gibraltar on 8-9 July 2024. It is a unique opportunity to share scientific knowledge on behavioural (non-substance-related) addictions, to enhance knowledge and gain a better understanding. Here is a link to one article in the Journal of Behavioural Addictions, in June 2024, as to the “Compulsive sexual behaviour in Iranian married women”. Even where such activities, are deemed as sins under Islamic laws, yet...
It is interesting that Dr Rory Reid of UCLA, did research in 2007 and 2011, as to the prevalence of ADHD in a group of men in treatment for sex addiction. He found that although the prevalence of ADHD in the general population is 3-5%, of that group of men he studied 23-26% were found to meet the criteria for ADHD. Here is a link to one of his papers.
In my own work as a therapist, I tend to do an extensive phase one history taking, as a part of a five sessions formal diagnosis (to include a formulation/my hypothesis/feedback to the client); followed my EMDR, well before any recovery programme (a formal programme is essential) or 12 steps attendance (although that might already be happening). I want to identify the (more typical) childhood development setting up of the propensity towards a method of self-soothing to manage emotions.
Gary McFarlane is a verified Welldoing online counsellor and EMDR therapist
Further reading
When does watching porn become a problem?
Loving someone with an addition: Do you need support too?
Addiction: What's the role of a recovery coach?