I remember the moment clearly. I was in my early 40s, standing in my kitchen with a good friend. I’d just told her about my decision to end my marriage of 15 years. She was looking at me in disbelief. “I thought things were good,” she told me. “I didn’t realise you were so unhappy.” It was true – my life, from the outside, looked enviable: a beautiful home, two children I adored, a marriage that seemed to work. And yet, there was a quiet voice inside me, one I’d silenced for years, that asked: “Is this it?”
It wasn’t just my marriage. I felt like I’d followed every rule, ticked every box, and yet somehow ended up in a life that didn’t feel like mine. That moment in the kitchen didn’t come out of nowhere. It was the culmination of years of sidelining my own needs in favour of being everything to everyone, and making choices based on what was expected of me rather than what mattered to me.
And it’s a moment I now recognise in so many of the women I coach. This feeling of being “stuck” often hits us in midlife – a natural inflection point where we begin to take stock. We look around and realise we’ve spent decades living a life shaped by shoulds. We should be successful. We should be grateful. We should want the things we were told to want.
But sometimes, those shoulds have carried us far from ourselves.
Why we get stuck
Being stuck is not laziness or indecision, but often a sign of misalignment – between our inner truth and our outer life; or what our heart desires and what we’re told is ‘right’ for us. From a psychological perspective, this misalignment creates cognitive dissonance – a kind of mental friction that shows up as anxiety, lack of motivation, or emotional exhaustion. The real root of ‘stuckness’ is our social conditioning. Many of us have been taught to strive for approval, security, predictability. To colour inside the lines. To be ‘good’.
Over time, those lines can become cages.
We get used to orienting ourselves, consciously and subconsciously, not according to what we want, but according to what’s expected of us. And the more we betray our inner knowing, the more disconnected and stuck we feel.
So how do we begin to get unstuck?
Not by blowing everything up and making drastic changes; but by slowing down, tuning in, and taking small, intentional steps. Here’s where to begin:
- Question your shoulds
So many of the beliefs that guide our decisions aren’t really ours. They’re inherited from family, culture, institutions.
Start noticing the shoulds that show up in your life – I should stay in this job… I should be further along… I should be happy with what I have…Ask: Whose voice is this? Does this feel true – to me? You are reclaiming your right to define your own path.
2. Align with your truth
Once you’ve cleared some of the noise, start listening for what’s underneath. What matters most to you? What are the values that you want your life to reflect? What does a fulfilling life look and feel like for you?
You don’t need to create a five-year plan. You just need to set a direction that feels resonant and aligned with what’s important to you. This will be your foundation for makng choices from your core, instead of your conditioning.
3. Take the first small step
You don’t need to leap. You just need to make tiny shifts, one after the other: send the email, sign up for the class, have the conversation. Stuckness often creates inertia, and the only way to break it is with action. Even the smallest step can shift the energy and create momentum.
Don’t wait to feel clear or confident – create those through doing.
Let’s dispel some myths about getting unstuck
There’s a lot of noise out there about what it takes to change your life. Let’s clear some of it up.
Myth #1: You have to make a giant leap
Not true. Most reinventions happen not through dramatic exits but through a series of small, intentional shifts. One choice, one boundary, one ‘yes’ or ‘no’ at a time.
Myth #2: It’s too late
No matter your age or stage, it’s never too late to change direction. Some of the most powerful transformations I’ve witnessed have come in midlife or beyond. Every ending is creating space for a new beginning.
Myth #3: You have to figure it out alone
You don’t. When it comes to getting out of your rut, support is not a luxury. Whether it’s a therapist, a coach, a friend, a community – having someone who can validate your truth and cheer you on is often the catalyst for transformation.
If you’re in a season of stuckness, let me say this: you’re not lost or broken – you’re on the edge of becoming. Feeling stuck doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choices. It means you’re waking up and tuning into a deeper truth and a version of you that’s always been there. There is nothing wrong with you for needing change. This is the beauty of life – the constant evolution and growth; the continuous act of realigning, reconnecting, and reclaiming of our true selves.
The good news: You don’t have to do it all today. Just begin.
