Dear Therapist,

I’m a 28-year-old woman who has always tended towards low or negative moods despite nothing outwardly being “wrong.” I guess you could say I’m a glass-half-empty sort of person (and my mother would say I’ve been this way all my life). I recently read that we’re all born with a set level of happiness. If that’s true, does it mean I’m stuck like this forever? That thought alone makes me feel even more glass-half-empty!

Signed,
Low a Lot of the Time

Dear Low,

In short, yes, research does suggest we each have a kind of emotional baseline — what psychologists call a happiness set point. It’s true that genetics play a big role in where that baseline sits. Twin studies (Lykken & Tellegen) from the 1990s concluded that this is roughly 50%.  Some of us naturally hover higher on the contentment scale. Others, like you describe, tend to feel things a bit more heavily.

But — and it’s an important but — this baseline isn’t cemented in place. More recent studies in the school of positive psychology, most notably by Sonja Lyubomirsky and colleagues, reminds us that genetics are only half of the story. The other half, according to their research, is 10% attributable to life circumstances, and a full 40% to what they call intentional activities — the things we think, focus on, and do regularly. So while some of happiness is stable, there’s substantial room for change through conscious effort – the 40% is where we have room to play.

Positive psychologists point to neuroplasticity – the fact that the brain is capable of forming new neural pathways through repeated thought and behaviour. Just as repeated physical training strengthens muscles, exercises in gratitude, kindness, mindfulness and optimism strengthen the brain’s positive affect circuits. With intentional effort, people can sustainably raise their level of happiness, effectively “rewiring” aspects of their set point and nudging it upward over time. You don’t need to become relentlessly upbeat; the goal isn’t to deny difficulty, but to also give intentional airtime to what sustains a sense of wellbeing. 

The late, great poet Andrea Gibson’s Wellness Check offers a brief but beautiful reminder:

In any moment,

on any given day,

I can measure my wellness

by this question:

 

Is my attention on loving,

or is my attention on

who isn’t loving me?

Do take care of your attention – intentionally directing it towards the people, the places the things that uplift you -- and perhaps over time you will notice your glass feeling fuller. 

Yours,

Kelly Hearn