Dear Therapist,

I've been single for years and am desperate to meet someone and settle down. Lockdown has me envying everyone else who is coupled up, and feeling like a lonely loser on my own.

I am starting to feel quite hopeless about my situation and also helpless to do anything about it when I can't be out meeting new people.

Dear Lonely,

I'm sorry you are feeling hopeless just now. I get the sense from your brief query that you feel a bit 'singled out' in your distress, but know you're not alone - so many singles are feeling similarly in these unnaturally isolating conditions.

You mention that you've been single for years, so while lockdown is getting in the way of dating, it isn't the only issue at play. With outside movements curtailed for the moment, perhaps now is a time to get curious about what internal barriers might also be a factor.

Most of us are more ambivalent about intimacy than we realise. We crave warmth and connection but are more wary - even a bit scared -  of the vulnerability that intimacy brings. I wonder what fears might have you, perhaps unconsciously, holding yourself back from relationship? Useful questions in this exploration are: '

• What are my fears about intimacy, and how are these surfacing?
• What am I avoiding, or protecting myself from, by living life in this way?
• Where in my history might this come from?'