It's not surprising that many people feel lonely these days; I have clients of all ages who feel the pain of loneliness. Some of my clients find themselves in the situation with friends moving away, or perhaps they have graduated from university and they are entering working life; others are experiencing the great loss of losing a partner and facing a future that suddenly looks much more lonely.

Sometimes lonely feelings can be attributed to our circumstances, but at other times it's more nuanced than that. Have you ever asked yourself the question: how many people do I really know who I can call at any hour of the day? Maybe it feels like you are always the person that people come to but if you need to talk to someone, no one is there for you.

In person-centred therapy, the client is the expert on their life, and deep down knows best what steps they need to take to fight feelings of loneliness. There is no point in suggesting to a client what they should do, or what hobbies they should try. The desire for things to change can be almost as painful as the pain of loneliness, but it gives you a necessary urgency to start changing your old ways and looking for things that will expand your opportunities to meet new people.

Here are some things to consider that will help you build better relationships.

Learn how to communicate your needs and set boundaries

Many of us have difficulties with setting boundaries and communicating our needs. Communicating your needs and voicing when you are feeling hurt makes others aware of our expectations from the relationship. In order to work on your boundaries with friends, you need to accept how their company, or lack thereof, makes you feel.

If you clearly communicate your needs and feelings, people will be better equipped to treat you in a way that helps you feel more connected and understood. Similarly, you will be able to be a better friend to them by knowing where their head is at.

In therapy there is space for clients to voice their struggles and reflect on their own experiences. Once you are aware of the negative patterns adopted over the years and the reasons behind them, only then can you start applying a more healthy approach, eventually leading to positive changes.

Take responsibility for your perception

You are in control of your happiness, of how you perceive things and how much you let things affect you.

I often refer to the "circle of control":

• The very outer circle is called the "circle of concern", including things you have no control over such as the weather, traffic, death and more
• The next circle in is called the "circle of influence", where you have only some control, for instance, whether you get promoted, whether people like you or not etc
• The middle circle is the "circle of control", and this includes things you can actually control, such as your actions and behaviours, decisions and choices