Many women, whether new mothers, older women, or women in the public eye, report low self-esteem. A major contributor is self-criticism, and we may in fact have a strong inner critic or critical voice in our mind that can generate a sense of powerlessness and can erode our self-belief. Let's explore where this critical voice comes from and what we can do about it.

Women are often trained by society to look after everyone else first, and to please others. Imagine that you are standing under an umbrella, and the umbrella contains the many influences in society, including family, media and the wider community. These influences shape our mind. As a result, for example, we may take on the view that to be worthy we must be attractive, smart, popular, successful, and more!

We can also be conditioned to act in ways that ensure they are viewed as 'nice' or 'good'. We may be shamed when we do something considered 'not likeable'. Think about how female politicians have so often been humiliated based on their appearance. As a result of these influences, we may develop negative self-talk about not being good enough.

Experiencing a lot of criticism growing up, bullying or intimidating behaviours in relationships or at work, can impact our view of ourselves. Having perfectionistic personality traits can also heighten negative self-talk. The self-critical voice that results can be mean or derogatory. It is characterised by thoughts such as, 'I should have done better' or 'what is wrong with me?' We may even talk about hating or loathing ourselves.

We are also human and naturally compare ourselves to others. It is hardwired into the brain to help us survive, but our modern world has grown this tendency. A huge influence is social media where we see 'perfect people' living a 'perfect life'. However, what we are seeing is just a snapshot of their lives. People present a story about themselves such as 'I'm successful' or 'I'm beautiful'. Remember too, that when we compare, we despair!

Self-criticism and low self-belief can affect our health and wellbeing, contributing to stress, anxiety, and low mood, and impacting sleep and eating habits, creating fatigue, and affecting our confidence. Let's now consider seven keys to help silence that inner critic:

1. Do some reframing

Cognitive behavioural therapy CBT is based on the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours all influence each other. So, to feel more confident, we need to work on our thoughts and actions. To start with we need to be aware of self-critical thoughts.

Let's take the example of; 'I will never be good enough to get a promotion.' We need to then challenge this thought by asking some questions:

• Am I turning a thought into a fact?
• Am I being too harsh on myself?
• Would I say this to a friend?