Parents have many challenges as their sons enter puberty. Some can be resolved based on personal experience. Sometimes talking to other parents can help. But occasionally, especially when it comes to sex, some parents think it is easier to avoid or ignore. However, for the future psychological health of your son it is important to talk to them about porn.

Most teenage boys are interested in sex. And the internet has made it easier for them to find out about this important part of relationships. Unfortunately, there are numerous websites that can confuse, sow doubt and generate mistruths. Of particular concern, however, is the ready access to porn. Research shows that most adolescents have watched porn by the age of 18. Some of my clients have seen porn at the age of 8 or 9. So even if you disagree, or have a moral issue with watching porn, it is important to acknowledge that your son probably has seen pornographic material.

For most young men porn watching seems to be non-addictive although more research is needed on its effect especially whether there is an age effect relevancy. However for some it can become compulsive or addictive.

So how can you tell if your son's use of porn has become unhealthy? Unfortunately this is difficult. By nature adolescents like to experiment and explore but they can also be secretive. And, of course, we all use the Internet for a lot of other activities - games, email and other forms of communicating, and for work research.

Here are some questions to ask yourself that might indicate a problem: Has his schoolwork suddenly started suffering? Does he prefer to spend time online rather than being with friends or family? Does he loose track of time while online or ignores online time limits you may have agreed? Does he sneak online when he is alone or when he thinks you won't notice? is he irritable when he isn't online and has he lost interest in activities that used to be important to him?

If a significant number of the answers to these questions is 'yes' then your son may have a problem with his Internet use and this may be linked to watching porn, though not necessarily. So what can you do if you think there is a problem?

The key is being as open with your son as you can. Make sure he knows you love him and that you are there to support him. Approach the subject of his internet use not to blame or accuse. And remind him that you already know about his and your other children's TV viewing habits.

From the start it is useful to encourage your children to use their pads or computers where others can see what they are doing. Consider having their computer in the living room not in their bedroom. Agree a daily amount of time that they can be online and perhaps ask them to record the time they are online.

And become as computer savvy as you can. Learn and take an interest in what your children do online. And work hard to communicate with your teenager. Avoid blame and offer support and interest in what they are doing.

Excessive use of, but especially addiction to, porn can affect relationships and the ability to be intimately close to someone or to perform physically. So although an uncomfortable subject to approach it is an important for your son's future life to do so.

Although this article is specifically about young men and porn there is evidence that more and more adolescent girls are also looking at, and being stimulated by, porn. Similar questions can be asked about their internet use and again close and loving communications with your daughter can help prevent the misuse of porn.

Photo by Laurenz Kleinheider