Who is leading you from within? Can you tune into the voice of wisdom, clarity, compassion and courage through which thoughtful leadership speaks? How much is your leadership impacted by the voices of judgment, self-doubt and comparison? How can you choose to lead from your deeper, wiser self?

In a folktale attributed to the cherokee people, two wolves hang around the edges of a camp. One is a vicious beast who would rip out your throat and kill your babies. The other is a proud creature who will protect the camp if you reach agreement. In a fight, which one would win? The answer is, the one you feed.

Energy follows attention. We all have inner critics: that inner voice of judgment that say you're not enough - not smart enough, experienced enough, attractive enough, loveable enough or rich enough, for example. But when we feed it, let it take the wheel of our lives, treat it as if it is the voice of truth and reality, rather than the voice of perception, then we forfeit self-mastery, and it will rip us apart and sabotage new ideas, relationships and potential. As a result, we don't step forward and up as leaders, we keep ourselves and our ambitions small. We stay in our comfort zones. We overcompensate, hoping no one will notice how insecure we feel. It's as if we have our inner critics on speed dial. Under stress and out of habit, we seem to have lost our connection with our inner ally, that wiser self who encourages and supports us if nourished.

Whether you feed critic or ally is your choice. To lead yourself and others consciously, you'll need to notice when the inner critic is in the driver's seat, accept it rather than doubling down on yourself for having it, and choose to make your inner ally your co-pilot.

The origins of the inner critic

Inner critics are psychological constructs we develop in childhood to protect ourselves from shame and rejection from the relationships we rely upon for physical and psychological safety. From birth and throughout childhood, we are so vulnerable we need the protection of others for survival. As a result, we are acutely sensitive to perceived threats of rejection. Our psychological scouts morph into our inner critics. The child internalises what they believe are indicators of such threats - such as a parent getting cross at disruptive behaviour, or a playground group calling out some random infringement - then renders the perceived messages general, pervasive and very loud, without the emotional maturity to keep perspective.

When, as adults, we face situations that are novel and uncertain, or that trigger our fears of rejection, failure or vulnerability, our inner critics try to keep us safe by warning us to stay in our comfort zone. To get our attention they don't enquire, 'Have you prepared enough?', in a nuanced, adult way; instead, they panic, 'You'll fail and look like a fool.'

Inner critics are the vestiges of a childhood survival strategy programme, which is still running in us as adults, like an old operating system. Think of them as loyal soldiers, fighting a war that has ended. No one has told them that the war is over, that feeling psychologically vulnerable is no longer a warning of danger to survival.

I hope you take some comfort from understanding that the inner critic is normal. But this doesn't mean we can allow our negative self-talk to run our lives and leadership, which it can do unless we take responsibility for it. We're running an old programme. It's time for an upgrade.

Types of inner critics

Let me introduce you to the family of inner critics and their typical scripts. There is more than one and you may be able to add your own:

• The Judge: you're never good enough
• The Pleaser: to be accepted you need to make others happy
• The Rule Maker: if you meet or fall short of certain criteria, you won't be enough
• The Perfectionist: to be valued you must be perfect
• The Comparer: everyone else is better than you
• The Doubter: you can't do this
• The Stern Parent: you're such a loser for not getting this
• The Indulgent Parent: it's not fair you have to do it, so do something easier instead