If you're a natural helper, you probably already have a long menu of suggestions for how people should look after themselves. You already know about the benefits of self-compassion, mindfulness, relaxation techniques, exercise, a healthy diet, time spent with loved ones. These are delightful acts of self-care. But how much of this do you do for yourself?

You might believe it is your duty to provide for others. You might say you are too busy to spend time on yourself. You might be caring for others in your job and in every aspect of your personal life too. You might deny you have any needs but the fact is people who are good at looking after others are often not as good at looking after themselves.

Like everyone else there are times when you need comfort, rest, reassurance, sustenance, or time to yourself. And if you don't express your needs, how can anyone else know how to take care of you when you are struggling?

1. Explore your motivations for helping

If you have a tendency to help others without looking after yourself, the first thing to do is to understand why this is. There are four beliefs that typically underlie super-helper behaviours and drive compulsive helping.

• The Good Person Belief: Are you helping others in order to prove that you are a good person?
• The Help Everyone Belief: Do you have a compulsion to help everyone you meet?
• The They-Couldn't-Survive-Without-Me Belief: Do you believe you have no choice, that you are indispensable, and that the people you are caring for couldn't cope without you?
• The No Needs Belief: If nobody else could hear, would you have to admit you hold the belief, 'I shouldn't have any needs'?