Money - we use it and misuse it. A lot has been written on people's complicated relationship with food or sex, but not enough has been written on people's relationship with money. Money can get in the way of relationships with partners, family and in the way of happiness. But why?

As a psychotherapist, I repeatedly see people who present with money problems. We often discover that the difficulty is not just about, say, controlling spending or negotiating the home finances with your partner, but about deep-rooted emotional difficulties which show themselves through our attitude to our finances.

I recently saw a client who was unable to negotiate his salary. Despite knowing that he was underpaid compared to colleagues, previous salary, and the market , he just accepted what he was offered. This was the case until he faced the fact that money was just one way in which he expressed his sense of not feeling 'good enough'. Even though at work he felt very capable yet underpaid, this wasn't about work at all: these were feelings that belonged to his childhood and only once he understood this, he was able to ask for what he deserved at work.

Money problems come in different disguises

Some of the common sentences I hear from clients who struggle with money problems are: "I can't spend without feeling guilty"; "I know I shouldn't, but I overspend when I am feeling sad";  "I am too worried of making the wrong decision"; "It's never enough."

It is no surprise that in the United States there is a growing number of financial therapists - people with training both in finance and mental health who help those struggling emotionally, with money.

In a recent survey on the link between mental health and finances, 72% of respondents said their mental health problems made their financial situation worse, and 93% of respondents reported spending more than usual when their mental health was poor [i].

Why does this happen?

Money can be a powerful symbol. It is a tool through which we can express a variety of emotions:

• People may overspend to deal with their low moods often known as 'shopping therapy' or with feelings of low self-worth spending to boost perceived status
• They may withhold money from someone to express anger, resentment or even to act out issues with control, or be victims of financial abuse
• People may express pessimism or fears by becoming 'money hoarders', not investing, not spending because nothing feels hopeful about either of those activities
• Feelings of an internal void may be expressed through an insatiable accumulation of wealth, an attitude of "it's never enough, I need more"
• Fears of failure or judgement may get in the way of addressing a growing debt
• In some case, unresolved feelings about a previous financial trauma may get in the way of people having a healthy relationship with money