Do we really forgive and forget? In reality, our brains find it hard to forget upsetting events and perceived betrayals. In life, forgetting may be unlikely, but we can learn to forgive. Knowing how to forgive someone is an essential life skill. It serves us well in our love lives and professional relationships. It saves friendships and restores our faith. And we definitely benefit from it when those in our lives are able to forgive us when we inevitably screw up.

Forgiveness allows us to move on; it removes us from feelings of anger and hate. Everyone has something that they can be forgiven for and that they must forgive. Forgiveness allows us to leave what is in the past in the past and focus on our present and future. The act of forgiving is critical to our emotional health. By refusing to forgive someone, we're choosing to hold on to the anger and bitterness that their actions created. When we choose to hold onto this anger and let it eat us up, it can make us irritable, impatient, distracted, and even physically ill.

We have all experienced hurt and betrayal - some more significant than others. Forgiveness may be the last thing on our minds when someone does something awful, but forgiveness is not just for the perpetrator - it's essential for our own wellbeing. Forgiveness is all about us, and not about the other person. We don't forgive other people because they deserve it. If that were the litmus test for when to forgive, it would rarely ever happen. Instead we choose to forgive those who have hurt us because we cannot fully let go of the destructive emotions inside of us until we do. Forgiveness is not a only justice issue - it's a heart issue.

Forgiveness cannot be forced - it is a choice you must make yourself. Forgiveness takes courage and a lot of effort and patience. To forgive does not mean that you forget the experience. It also does not mean that you are condoning what happened or minimising the offence. It is not a sign of weakness to forgive. If anything, it is a sign of great strength to be able to move forward from a painful past.

We can learn from past experiences. We need to take what we can learn, be mindful of the lesson, and move on. This may mean moving on with or without the person who hurt us. Even in the middle of the situation, we can learn something about ourselves - what pushes our buttons, where we might have sensitivities, and how we handle getting hurt by someone we care about. With this new knowledge, we're better equipped for future relationships and the inevitable conflicts that will come with them.

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness and confusion. If you dwell on hurtful events, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge - or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Without practising forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.

If you're unforgiving, you might:

• Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
• Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present
• Become depressed or anxious
• Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs
• Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others