​My cousin got married last weekend. At a vineyard. With a wine cellar. A saying comes to mind, something about a moth, and a flame. I slipped up - for one day Sober October was no more. 

The first sip, I didn't feel great about, very much like I was letting myself down. By the second glass, I guess my conscience had eased up. The wine tasted lovely, no doubt, and it eased my interactions with relatives I only see once every few years. It helped me care a little less about EVERYONE having heard about recent mishaps in my private life, courtesy of Granny Grapevine. 

The thing about slipping up, is that it's up to you what you do next. You have already 'failed', so it's not really a problem if you give up. No one cares. Or, you get this wonderful sense of not caring about having failed, moving on, and getting back on the wagon. I have been very fond of drinking since those underage evenings which give me a queasy stomach rather than filling me with youthful nostalgia, but this month has made me do a bit of a 360 (a 320 perhaps more accurate). I felt rotten the morning after the wedding - sluggish, tired, unmotivated, a bit depressed. I don't want to feel like that. 

I am happy to have slipped up and so happy to have realised that I don't want to drink as much as I used to. I am excited not to drink for the rest of the month, and maybe continue on drinking much less. I've been spending less money, which has actually allowed me to sit down and write a budget - something which was a fruitless exercise previously as it was just safe to assume that no money would be saved. I've had tonnes more energy, have been able to sleep better and workout harder. I have become masterful at jigsaw puzzles and boardgames, and don't worry, despite this, I still see my friends. They like puzzles too. 

Sober October