Articles by Julia Bueno

How to Cope with Infertility

How to Cope with Infertility

Anya Sizer has a background in coaching and is the Patient Co-Ordinator for the London Women's Clinic and the Bridge Clinic in London. You can visit her website here. She has worked with hundreds of women, and couples, over the past decade who have struggled to conceive, and is a passionate advocate for fertility patients. She runs a weekly support group in Central London and speaks at conferences and workshops around fertility issues. She is also the mother of two IVF children and one adopted child, and happens to be a friend too. I chatted with her...
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Show Some Self-Compassion

Show Some Self-Compassion

We all know about compassion – the recent Children in Need and Band Aid campaigns reminds us again how much we can be moved to try and alleviate the suffering of others. Christmas time ignites giving in a lot of us. However, turning this motivation inward, to ourselves, is often very challenging. Research done in this field tells us so, but I also see this every day in my practice. The Dalai Lama talked about it when he first came to the West – he found it remarkable how mean we can be to ourselves. And I'd argue, along with the research again, that...
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How to Become a Psychotherapist

How to Become a Psychotherapist

It took a while to get there, and by a rather circuitous route, but I count myself extremely lucky for having one of the best jobs I could imagine. I'm intellectually and emotionally challenged, with ongoing development and learning an essential part of my work. I'm my own boss, which allows me to structure my working week around other commitments. I work both alone and with a team, and I have a strong network of professional support. Every hour of each working day differs, and there is a range of directions in which my professional interests may steer me....
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Don't Let Mindfulness Unleash Your Inner Critic

Don't Let Mindfulness Unleash Your Inner Critic

Many years ago, I did what increasing numbers of people are doing – I turned to mindfulness meditation in an attempt to get my psychological health back on track. Back then it wasn't endorsed by the NHS or written about in lifestyle magazines, nor were there iPhones, let alone apps, around to help with its instruction. But despite a few cagey responses from friends and family, at long last I felt I'd found something I could 'do' that would help lift my mood and dampen down anxieties. And it worked. For a bit. What I hadn't known then though is that mindfulness often...
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Partners of Miscarriage Feel Ignored

Partners of Miscarriage Feel Ignored

"Losing my baby was devastating. I didn't realise quite how much I loved it until we found out it had died. I couldn't sleep or concentrate for weeks, and my relationship with my partner really suffered as the course of our grief took different turns." These words are similar to ones I have heard in my practice over the years – but they aren't spoken by a bereft mother in the wake of a miscarriage, but by her partner, suffering less obviously in the wings.  Although, the grief of a miscarriage might be slowly moving out of the shadows and into the public...
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Sometimes Therapy Goes Wrong

Sometimes Therapy Goes Wrong

The course of true therapy may not always run smooth. Conflicts and ill feelings can arise just the same as elsewhere – therapists can offend, get things wrong, be clumsy or annoying as well as others. Like others too, they can also be unprofessional, unethical and even, it's tough to think, criminal. It may be that your therapist hasn't done anything 'wrong' as such, but you just feel as if you aren't getting anywhere or you have a vague and repeated sense of unease in the consulting room. Therapy works best if you are able to be as open and honest about any...
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Self Protection: A Therapist's Guide

Self Protection: A Therapist's Guide

I often get asked about how I can listen to my client's distress all week without crumpling with exhaustion or getting distressed myself. I tend to give a short answer so as not to put people off asking me anything ever again, something like, “My training involves learning to protect myself/ I make sure to have plenty of supervision”. But there's a much better, longer answer that involves re-calibrating how I empathise in order to ensure my own self protection. Supervision is part of the self-care necessary for any therapist, but it is also an ethical requirement....
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Compassion: Why Being Gentle to Yourself is the Foundation of happiness

Compassion: Why Being Gentle to Yourself is the Foundation of happiness

It took me a very long time to work out the difference between being kind to myself and actually being kind to myself. I used to think a long hot bath, a yoga class or a new pair of shoes would suffice to ease a low patch or quieten my noisy inner critic. These gestures may have helped a bit, but they remained just that – actions representing a kindness rather than actions that also felt kind to myself when I did them. I could practise yoga for an hour and still feel bad. I might even feel rubbish at yoga and leave a class feeling even worse. Learning to be truly kind,...
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Who Does What? Talking Therapies Explained

Who Does What? Talking Therapies Explained

'Shrinks' come in various guises, but understanding what type of practitioner they are may help to make more sense of the work they do. Counselling or psychotherapy? First off, you may wonder about the difference between counselling and psychotherapy. Even the professionals aren't agreed on a definitive distinction, as both involve talking to someone who is trained to listen and respond in appropriate and helpful ways. However, generally, counselling deals with a specific issue over a short period of time (‘goal-oriented’), while psychotherapy tends to work...
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